the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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