You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
