he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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