someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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