WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
