You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i just made my gag reflex go away.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
