I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
