I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
