i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
