Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
