I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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