he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
