do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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