scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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