no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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