I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
