There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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