I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
