i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
