Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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