Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
