Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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