dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
