Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize