Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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