i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Everyone says I win the strip club
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
