??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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