My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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