giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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