i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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