Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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