the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
