Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
