Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
