you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
