I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
