I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
