he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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