I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
