i barfeds in our rink
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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