trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize