she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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