I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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