i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
