Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
