Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize