I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
