I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
