Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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