when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
