just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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