I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
