i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
