I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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