lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
