party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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