So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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