If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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