My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
