Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
