If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
