her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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