No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
