she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
