I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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