so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
