there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
