Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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