Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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