Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
seriously i just wanna be friends
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.