It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?