he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
