she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
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I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
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I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked