We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me