I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.