chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I look excited, but its just a facade.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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