You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
